I’ve never thought of listing what I actually learned throughout a year. I’ve considered what I hated and loved, what blessed me, what infuriated me, what I wanted to remember and forget. I guess with all of those things there are lessons to be learned. The most prevalent thing I learned would be
1. I don’t know myself at all. I’ve been hiding behind who I thought I was, who I was taught I was and who I thought I wanted to be but never could be. The covers are being removed and I am finding freedom in discovering who I was really created to be.
2. Hope is not something I choose to have, it is something I have that I choose to walk in. I have every gift of God. Hope is the one He has shown me and enabled me to write about this year. As I have written and read it back to myself, I discovered that it has always been there, since the beginning of me. Kind of like Dorothy and the red shoes.
3. Friends separate for various reasons. It doesn’t mean the friendship ends. I’ve always strove to keep things going. I always felt like I was responsible for my relationships. Although there is responsibility, it is not all my own. Life happens, Time goes by and all of a sudden you realized you haven’t held up your part of the friendship by keeping contact. This year I kept failing as a friend (or so I thought). I have found myself reconnected to a few in the past year. Separation is a time of growth, not a time to compare and accuse and criticize myself. Friendship grows when it has time to breathe.
4.God is available any time I sit and listen and give Him space. Imagine talking to a friend on the phone and asking a question and then hanging up on them because you don’t have time to listen. Often that is what my prayer life is. This past year I learned to listen and to wait. Writing helped me to do that. I don’t want to write what comes from my own ideas. I want God to inspire me with ideas and build upon them. That took some listening. That took a lot of words that went in the trash. That took a lot of surrender in the quiet.